The Jim of the United States

Archive for April, 2008

A Little J.O.K.E.

Posted by TheJOTUS on April 23, 2008

Ain’t this the truth………….


A biker is riding by the zoo when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage.  Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the jacket and tries to pull her inside.  Her mother starts to scream for help.  The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage, and hits the lion over the head with a brick.

Reeling from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl.  The biker picks her up and takes her to her terrified mother, who showers him with thanks.

A New York Times reporter witnessed the entire event and says to the biker “Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I have seen anyone do in my whole life.”  He tells the biker this little event will not go unnoticed.  After all he is a journalist with the New York Times and this will surely be an above the fold story.

And as the biker walked back to his ride, the reporter noticed a Bush sticker on the bike’s gas tank.  True to the reporters word, the following morning the front page of The New York Times headline read:

“Republican Biker Gang Member Assaults African Immigrant, Then Steals His Lunch”



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I’m Official

Posted by TheJOTUS on April 22, 2008

Well, I broke down and bought myself a domain name.  It is and I did it here through WordPress.  It was only $15 for the entire year.  So now if you google “thejotus” my site comes up.

I probably could have spent my $15 elsewhere, but I wanted my own domain name.  One to call home if you will.  And now I have it.  Plus, it is much easier to say “” as opposed to “” 

So, there you go.  If you have the old URL it should still route you to “”  If not you can just save it again in your favorites.  Because this is where I know you want to be.

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Shattered Reality

Posted by TheJOTUS on April 18, 2008

So today I was invited to a birthday party. A girrrrrrrrls birthday party.  But before you get all excited, it was a girl my boy goes to daycare with.  When I dropped him off, she comes up to me and asks if I would like to go to her birthday party.

I have to admit, I was honored. I mean I was invited to a birthday party.  Who cares if it was a 5 year old girl, I can drink beer with her Dad no problem.  The point being here is that I was invited. I was thought of.  It means when I walked in, this little person thought “wow, I would like this adult to help supervise me and a bunch of my friends.”

This was a great feeling I had going here. Like when you receive mail addressed to you that isn’t a bill or junk mail. Or an email sent to you that isn’t junk, spam or some retarded chain letter.  Someone thought of me.  Yep, I was going to a birthday party.  And as I gave the boy a hug goodbye, I pinned the shoulders back with a feeling of pride.  A little more giddy-up in my step as I headed off for work.

It was at that moment my new found jolt of confidence ended before it even really started. As I start to walk towards the door, the boy’s teacher looks at me and says “her birthday is in December.” Crushed, just like that.  And she said it with such distain, such jealousy, such hatred. I mean, was she really that jealous that one of her students invited me?  Was I invited and not her, therefore causing her envy? Perhaps.

But as I paused to look back at the classroom, I realized she was just pointing out that this little girl really had no clue what she was talking about. Granted, I thought her birthday was tomorrow or maybe this weekend. But in reality, kids—especially 5 year olds—have no clue what day it is let alone when their birthday is.  In their head, every day is a birthday.  And as I am standing there one thing came to my mind–the movie One Flew Over The Cookoo’s Nest.

Seriously, it is straight craziness amongst the little people.  You have the one kid asleep on the floor with his coat draped over him.  A couple of other kids hitting themselves on the head with one of those faux cardboard bricks.  Another kid in the corner talking to herself. A few more just running in a circle.  Others crying uncontrollably.  All the while Nurse Ratched……ahem…..the teacher trying to round them up to take their medicine.  Or eat breakfast in this case.

But bottom line, I was invited to a birthday party.  What are you  doing in December?

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Isn’t This Ironic

Posted by TheJOTUS on April 11, 2008

This has to be the most ridiculous thing I have heard since over-hearing KU earned their championship.  I know, I know it’s absurd.  But I think this story trumps it.  Seriously folks, you can’t make this stuff up:

SUNNYVALE, Calif. — Call it an eco-parable: one Prius-driving couple takes pride in their eight redwoods, the first of them planted over a decade ago. Their electric-car-driving neighbors take pride in their rooftop solar panels, installed five years after the first trees were planted.

This redwood tree was pruned to reduce the shade cast on solar panels in a neighbor’s yard.

Trees — redwoods, live oaks or blossoming fruit trees — are usually considered sturdy citizens of the sun-swept peninsula south of San Francisco, not criminal elements. But under a 1978 state law protecting homeowners’ investment in rooftop solar panels, trees that impede solar panels’ access to the sun can be deemed a nuisance and their owners fined up to $1,000 a day. The Solar Shade Act was a curiosity until late last year, when a dispute over the eight redwoods(a k a Tree No. 1, Tree No. 2, Tree No. 3, etc.) ended up in Santa Clara County criminal court.


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Miracle On Hardwood

Posted by TheJOTUS on April 9, 2008

I think this picture sums up Kansas’ win on Monday night quite nicely.  A miracle.  Coming from someone who hates KU so deeply and whose stomach is so upset right now……actually there is no description of how I feel at the moment.  It is almost inhuman.  Maybe this will help paint a picture:  If KU was to play the devil and his merry band of minions, I would be cheering gleefully for the Prince of Darkness.  Or:  If KU was playing the Russians I would be screaming “I must break you” in my best Russian accent.  (Incidentally, KU is both Lucifer and the Russians combined.)  However; neither analogy can best describe my hatred for KU nor how I feel at this moment some two days after it happened.


I guess the best way to describe it–for lack of a better way–is:  Screw KU.  Screw them, the school, their criminal AD, their retarded fan base and most of all Bill Self and that dead animal on his oval grape.  Seriously Bill, with that certain raise you will be getting, I suggest the hair club for men or a nice set of shears. 


Yes, Kansas hit the miracle shot to put them into overtime where they eventually won.  An obvious argument would be to say Memphis could have stepped up in OT and won the game themselves (see St. Louis fan/players/manager/front office/city/etc and the 1985 World Series).  But the game really came down in regulation where Memphis couldn’t hit free throws that would have so iced this game, Coach Cal wouldn’t use his timeouts and because they didn’t foul prior to the miracle shot.


The Tigers should not have reached that point in the first place.  They could have put themselves in a position before that fateful final minute where it wouldn’t have mattered how many free throws they missed.  Memphis seemed to settle into a lazy offense content to work the ball around the perimeter before settling on junk NBA-style isolation plays.  When KU went into a garbage Box-and-One defense, the Tigers looked confused, never once attempting a pass into the soft middle.  Of course Coach Cal could have called a timeout but was hoping to trade them in at the gift shop for some fancy second place trophy.  Good thing there was one left.


As much of a mistake for Coach Cal to sit on his timeouts, it was absolutely unforgivable to sit on them in the last minute of a championship game where his team was clearly dazed and confused.  Especially to calm down Rose and Douglas-Roberts after their choke job at the free throw line.  However, why in the name of all that is holy, did he not call a timeout to tell his team to foul KU in the final seven seconds when his team was up three??  This to me is mind boggling.  In fact, my bruised knuckles need an answer to this question—nay—demand an answer.


How many more times can a team can give up a game-tying 3-pointer with less than seven seconds to play before it becomes a mandatory strategy for everyone to foul?  It’s completely inane. One theory is every NBA and college coach knows it’s completely inane, but they’re under orders from David Stern and the NCAA higher-ups not to foul in those situations so there will be more exciting finishes.  But with the amount of money, prestige, recognition, fame, oh….and the pure fact of wanting to win, this theory is some what hogwash.  Gobbletygook if you will.


Another theory is Memphis was the only team that shouldn’t have fouled in that situation because it would have stopped the game, and the Tigers would have had to hit free throws on the other end.  This doesn’t hold water for me either.  Let’s say they foul Mario the Miracle Maker with six seconds left before he launches the 3, and he makes both. The Tigers inbound the ball and Kansas fouls them with something like 4.9 (or 5 seconds, but you get where I am going) seconds left on the clock.  Even if they only make one of two, Kansas still has to go the length of the floor and get off a good shot in less than five seconds.  Would you rather roll the dice with that scenario — as well as the possibility that either Chalmers missed one of his free throws or Memphis made both — or would you rather not foul and allow a game-tying 3-pointer?  If you said foul before they shoot the 3, go to the head of the class.


Despite Self’s worn out rug, I still can’t hate him.  He is a great coach—not good—great.  And the best part is he proved thousands and thousands of hypocritical KU fans who wanted him fired just two short seasons ago, wrong.  Some even wanted him gone last season.  Of course KU fan will tell you “not me, I always had faith in him and thought he could win.”  But they are lying.  They are so lying.  And with the threat of T. Boone Pickens looming, we will see if Coach Self remembers two seasons ago as well.


It’s going to be interesting to see if the Memphis-Kansas game is eventually remembered as a traumatic loss or a fantastic comeback victory.  My guess is that, as time passes, we’ll end up remembering the Kansas comeback and Mario’s miracle 3-pointer.  And with that, all those years of failures by Walters, Chenowiths, Pierces, LaFrentzes, Vaughns, Collisons, Hinriches, Coach Roy, losses to Bucknell, Bradley, Rhode Island were wiped away.  At least for another 20 years.

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The Pine Tar Incident

Posted by TheJOTUS on April 7, 2008

Tomorrow is the Royals home opener against the hated Yankees.  Well, at least I hate them.  So I thought I would post a memory of a rather famous Royals incident some 24 years ago.  The Pine Tar Incident–a game legendary not only amongst baseball historians, but also amongst legal scholars.

Playing at New York’s Yankee Stadium on July 24, 1983, with the Kansas City Royals trailing 4-3 and two outs in the top of the ninth inning, Hall of Fame third baseman George Brett hit a pitch from Yankee reliever Rich “Goose” Gossage for a two-run home run, seemingly giving the Royals a 5-4 lead. As Brett crossed home plate, Yankees manager Billy Martin approached umpire Tim McClelland and requested that Brett’s bat be examined for an illegal amount of pine tar. With Brett watching from the dugout, McClelland measured the bat against the width of home plate and determined the amount of pine tar on Brett’s bat exceeded the amount allowed by Rule 1.10(b) of the Major League Baseball rule book. The umpire crew called Brett out, and an irate Brett ran onto the field where he was ejected. The game was declared over.

After the game, Royals management appealed the umpire crew’s ruling to American League president Lee MacPhail, who overturned the umpire’s decision and ordered the remainder of the game replayed, with Brett’s home run allowed. In allowing Brett’s home run, MacPhail ruled that the amount of pine tar on Brett’s bat did not affect the distance of the home run, and that any challenge to the amount of pine tar on Brett’s bat should have been brought, if at all, prior to Gossage throwing his first pitch.

Although Lee MacPhail is no Judge Cardozo, his ruling is almost as widely used in law school classrooms. In his heralded civil procedure course, Michigan law professor Richard Friedman often analogizes Billy Martin’s decision to challenge Brett’s excessive pine tar only after he hit his home run to an attorney that would argue for a court to dismiss a case for lack of personal jurisdiction, or improper venue, only after an answer to a complaint had been filed. Many other law professors use the Pine Tar case to introduce the difference between the letter of the law, and the spirit of the law.

As a sports enthusiast (albeit a New Yorker), I look back at Lee MacPhail’s ruling and believe he made the right call. In some respects, however, MacPhail’s ruling may not have gone far enough. In the original game, umpire Tim McClelland ejected George Brett for arguing about the original pine tar ruling. Given that the game was replayed from the point in time of Brett’s home run, and arguably from before Brett was ejected, Brett’s subsequent ejection should have been erased from the game record, along with his being called out. Nevertheless, when the Pine Tar game was continued on 8/18, Brett was deemed ineligible to play, and the rarely used Royals backup Greg Pryor replaced Brett at third base. (As a side note, the Yankees resumed the game with first baseman Don Mattingly playing second base, and pitcher Ron Guidry in center field).

As a final point of note, when the Pine Tar game resumed, Yankees manager Billy Martin again challenged Brett’s home run on the grounds that Brett had not touched all the bases, maintaining that there was no way for the current umpires (who were a different crew from those who worked the earlier part of this game) to resolve his contention. The new umpire crew, however, was prepared for Martin’s challenge, as umpire Davey Phillips produced a legal affidavit signed by the July 24 umpires, which stated that Brett had indeed touched all of the bases.

Ultimately, the Royals went on to win the Pine Tar game 5-to-4, thanks to Brett’s controversial home run. And, as for sports lawyers, the outcome was indoctrinated in our own unique world of case law.

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