The Jim of the United States

TheJotus On…Err…Was On Hiatus

Posted by TheJOTUS on April 28, 2009

Yeah I know, I know, it has been a few weeks since my last post.  What is interesting is that since my last post, 224 people have checked out the site.  So, I either have some serious disappointed fans…ahem… or a lot of folks just stumbled on to the site.  Either way, I apologize.

It reminds me of one of my favorite Seinfeld episodes where Kramer digs the Merv Griffin set out of the garbage:

Kramer:  We’ve offically bottomed out.  We need a new format.  We should shut down…and retool.

Newman:  What about a guest host?

Kramer: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.

So while I haven’t “bottomed” out, I did get lazy.  And I am not necessarily creating a new format, but I do have some changes planned.

Oh, and as far as a guest host goes?  I am always entertaining resumes for qualified applicants.  Although you might want to take note of a few things:

All applicants are stripped, deloused, beaten down with a water hose, and shackled prior to and possibly during, the interview process.  The hot female applicants will peel me grapes and fan me with a giant feather whatever-that-is-called.  I call this the “Getting To Know You” phase. 

You will then be thrown into a pit where you must participate in fight-to-the-death matches with the other prospective-henchpersons (The hottest female applicant will dress in a Princess Leia type bikini, circuit Return of the Jedi, and watch with me while the matches are under way).  If you survive, you will then be given information on TheJotus insurance plans and company handbook.

Also, there is no stock or paid dividends. All money, booty, loot, treasure, and offerings are the sole property of the President and CEO–TheJotus.   Slaves…errrr…employees voluntarily donate their time, motivated by the occasional verbal lashing or several hour viewings of The View or MSNBC.

Furthermore, you will be asked to perform acts which go against the laws of both God and Man. You will also be required to perform various assassinations, rub-outs, and coup d’etats in the event that I cannot attend to these things myself. You will also be responsible for keeping my glands in proper working order.

If this is agreeable to you, and you have no living relatives, then please send several nude photos and your best-of-ten targets from the shooting range.  Or just nude photos will be fine.

Good luck!


3 Responses to “TheJotus On…Err…Was On Hiatus”

  1. zulubuff said

    so you went the racy route huh.

  2. TheJOTUS said

    Racy? Easy there Mr. Prude. If you would like to submit an application, I will waive the nude photo requirement.

    However, if you end up being the hottest applicant, the Princess Leia bikini will still apply.

  3. Mrs. JOTUS said

    Baby, you know you broke the Princess Leia bikini last night.

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