The Jim of the United States

Archive for July, 2009

When Lotion And A Stack of Tissues Just Isn’t Enough

Posted by TheJOTUS on July 27, 2009

So, I was watching Spike this weekend and they were running a marathon of the show 1000 Ways to Die.  A show bordering on the line of the unbelievable, as it shows 1000 fucked up ways a person has died. 

An example of this was #403 where a guy takes the heart of a cow, runs a 12 volt electrical current through it to make it……um…beat, and then proceeds to have sex with it.

Yeah, you read that correctly.  But wait, there’s more!  Apparently 12 volts wasn’t enough for this sick bastard, so he decided to hook that bad boy up to a 110 outlet in the wall.  I am pretty sure you can figure out how it ended for him.

You know, I was just asking my friend the other day — “Hey, do you think there has ever been a case where a guy died by hooking up an electrical current to a cow’s heart, and then defile it in a way that would make those German shizer porno’s blush?”

And my friend said “Shyah, keep dreamin’.  Ain’t no way that would happen”

Well.  Now who’s the asshole, eh?


Posted in Nuggets of Potpourri | 1 Comment »

Obama: Senator DeMint Is A Big Fat Meanie

Posted by TheJOTUS on July 22, 2009

Apparently Obama is a tad upset that some people aren’t falling in the goose stepping line regarding his joke of a healthcare plan.  So naturally he wants to change the subject and just call the republicans mean. 

At issue are Senator Jim DeMint’s choice of words when said that a defeat on his health-care proposals would be President Obama’s “Waterloo.”  Perhaps a bad anology, but make no mistake, this was the heart of Obama’s campaign.  Support for this trainwreck is tanking, and he is lashing out like Megan McCain after taking away her plate of bacon:

Speaking at a children’s hospital, the president said, “Now, there are some in this town who are content to perpetuate the status quo, are in fact fighting reform on behalf of powerful special interests. There are others who recognize the problem, but believe — or perhaps, hope — that we can put off the hard work of insurance reform for another day, another year, another decade.

“Just the other day,” the president continued, “one Republican senator said — and I’m quoting him now — ‘If we’re able to stop Obama on this, it will be his Waterloo. It will break him.’ Think about that. This isn’t about me. This isn’t about politics. This is about a health care system that is breaking America’s families, breaking America’s businesses, and breaking America’s economy.”

The Democrats have a filibuster proof majority in the Senate and an overwhelming edge in the House, but if health care fails it’ll be the fault of Republicans?  Er…what?  Exsqueeze me?

And DeMint wasn’t done yet, he kept his pimp hand strong:

“The last time the President made grand promises and demanded passage of a bill before it could be reviewed, we ended up with the colossal stimulus failure and unemployment near 10 percent,” said Senator DeMint.

“Now the President wants Americans to trust him again, but he can’t back up the utopian promises he’s making about a government takeover of health care. He insists his health care plan won’t add to our nation’s deficit despite the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office saying exactly the opposite. And today we learn that the President is refusing to release a critical report on the state of our economy, which contains facts essential to this debate. What is he hiding?

“If the actual legislation came close to matching the President’s rhetoric, he would have no problem passing this bill with huge Democrat majorities in both chambers. But Americans aren’t being fooled and are discovering the truth about his plan which includes rationed care, trillions in new costs, high taxes and penalties that will destroy jobs, and even government-funded abortions.

“Let’s be clear, there is no one in this debate advocating that we do nothing despite the President’s constant straw man arguments. Republicans have offered comprehensive health care reform solutions that cover millions of the uninsured without exploding costs, raising taxes, or rationing care. We can give every American access to a health plan they can own, afford and keep without a government takeover.”

Oh, somebody just leveled the playing field.

Bottom line Mr. President, it is about you.  It is about you crushing the health care system, breaking America’s families, breaking America’s businesses, and breaking America’s economy.

Posted in B. Hussein Obama | Leave a Comment »

Remembering Mary Jo Kopechne

Posted by TheJOTUS on July 19, 2009

mary jo


Again, I was up at the Amelia Earhart festival in Atchison, KS this weekend, so I was sort of incognito and unable to comment on one of the most significant annivesaries in American History: July 18/19, 1969, Chappaquiddick Island. Or, as some have called the most brilliant cover-up ever achieved in a nation where investigative procedures are well developed and where the principles of equal justice prevail. So again, let’s have a belated review shall we? Yes, we shall:

During a party on Chappaquiddick Island on July 18, 1969, Senator Kennedy drove his 1967 Oldsmobile Delmont 88 off Dike Bridge (also spelled Dyke Bridge), a wooden bridge that is angled obliquely to an unlit road onto which he claimed to have made a wrong turn. The car plunged into tide-swept Poucha Pond (at that location a channel) and landed upside down under the water. There is speculation about whether Mary Jo Kopechne drowned or suffocated.

Kennedy returned on foot to the Lawrence Cottage where a party was in progress. Two other men, his cousin Joseph Gargan and party co-host Paul Markham then assisted him in trying to reach rescue Kopechne. All involved failed to use the telephone at the Lawrence Cottage to call the police for help. Kennedy discussed the accident with several people, including his lawyer, before he was contacted by the police. The next morning July 19, 1969 Police Chief Dominick Arena called the Senator from the closest house to the Dike Bridge rented at the time by the Malms. Senator Kennedy was given the news that his mother’s car had been involved in a fatal accident. Kennedy had never reported the accident, a science teacher and 15 year old boy fishing discovered Kennedy’s car the morning where the incident occurred.

Kopechne’s body was discovered by diver John Farrar. John Farrar observed that a large amout of air was released from the car when it was righted in the water, he also noted that the trunk when opened was remarkably dry. These observations and others lead many to believe that Mary Jo Kopechne had not drowned but suffocated in an air pocket within the Delmont 88. The diver John Farrar has stated that he was on call and available at the time of the accident.

Though claiming to be injured, Kennedy, swam a second larger body of water after the accident to return to his hotel room as the ferry was closed for the night.

Teddy waited 10 hours to call in the “accident” while he huddled with his lawyers. Mary Jo Kopechne survived for as long as two hours in the submerged automobile by breathing a pocket of trapped air.

In a stark bit of foreshadowing, the Kennedys call their lawyers rather then dialing 911. Fun Fact: Ted Kennedy’s dog is named… ‘Splash’

To put this in a little perspective folks, fewer people died in Abu Ghraib prison than died in Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile. Furthermore, it took less time for the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Ted Kennedy to call the police after his car sank–with Mary Jo Kopechne in it–at Chappaquiddick.

It was a sad time this past weekend indeed. For justice, politics, scummy politicians, lost integrity and especially for Mary Jo’s family.

Posted in Ted Kennedy | 6 Comments »

Democrat’s Red Tape Maze Of Socialized Healthcare

Posted by TheJOTUS on July 18, 2009


Posted in Healthcare | Leave a Comment »

New Poll Thingy: Site Change

Posted by TheJOTUS on July 18, 2009

Posted in Polls | Leave a Comment »

Hey, You Know What The All-Star Game Needs? President Shankopotomus And His Limp Wristed Jelly Arm

Posted by TheJOTUS on July 14, 2009

Seriously, is it too much to ask that I turn on America’s mid-season classic and not have to see President Teleflubber?  I am so tired of seeing this guy on my television I wanted to change the channel, but couldn’t. 

For one, I was afraid.  Afraid that if I switched it over to something like ESPN and the World Series of Poker, I would see the freaking guy sitting down at the final table.  Or flipped it over to Food Network and see him competing on one of those fucking cake challenges.  Don’t laugh, you know sure as shit it would have happened.

It reminds me of an old school Foghorn Leghorn cartoon.   You know, where Foghorn tries to match wits with Egghead Jr., only to have the little chicken devise some elaborate mathmatical plan showing Foghorn in the dumpster.  When he goes to look, he decides not to and says: “Because I just might, I say I just might be in there.”

Second, I couldn’t change it because deep down I wanted to see how it would turn out.  And to be honest, it was really much ado about nothing.  Yeah, his throw fell short–barely.  But coming from a guy who played baseball, I couldn’t hit water if I fell out of a boat.  I definitely would have Rick Vaughn’d it.  Kinda why I played outfield.

But there were a couple of observations I had:

The amount of boo’s (and they were noticable) kind of surprised me.  Ok, maybe not.

WTF was with the mom jeans??  Seriously?

Check out the dude in the cart with Stan Musial before Obama heads out to the mound.  Yeah, I’m thinking that guy is not much of a fan.

Ok, enough of the petty nitpicking.  Enjoy!!

Posted in B. Hussein Obama, Media Bias, Photo Of The Moment | 4 Comments »

Photo Time!

Posted by TheJOTUS on July 14, 2009


Get a good look, Costanza??!!

Posted in Photo Of The Moment | Leave a Comment »

Some Useless Crap

Posted by TheJOTUS on July 3, 2009

A couple of videos for you to waste about ten minutes.  But they’ll be well wasted.  I know mine were.

The first is the most awesomly awesome, greatest of all time, complete melt down you will ever see.  I challenge you to find a better one.

To sum it up:  Mom cuts off junior’s World of Warcraft account, little brother catches the breakdown with a well placed camera:

I know, I told you it was good.  A couple of notes on that:  He pulled one hell of a magic act undressing under the blanket.  And WTF was with putting the remote up his ass?  Seriously, what the hell??

Next is a compilation of just some cool stats.  After watching, there is a reason it has over 5 million views on youtube:

Till next time kids!

Posted in Nuggets of Potpourri, Photo Of The Moment | 1 Comment »