The Jim of the United States

When Lotion And A Stack of Tissues Just Isn’t Enough

Posted by TheJOTUS on July 27, 2009

So, I was watching Spike this weekend and they were running a marathon of the show 1000 Ways to Die.  A show bordering on the line of the unbelievable, as it shows 1000 fucked up ways a person has died. 

An example of this was #403 where a guy takes the heart of a cow, runs a 12 volt electrical current through it to make it……um…beat, and then proceeds to have sex with it.

Yeah, you read that correctly.  But wait, there’s more!  Apparently 12 volts wasn’t enough for this sick bastard, so he decided to hook that bad boy up to a 110 outlet in the wall.  I am pretty sure you can figure out how it ended for him.

You know, I was just asking my friend the other day — “Hey, do you think there has ever been a case where a guy died by hooking up an electrical current to a cow’s heart, and then defile it in a way that would make those German shizer porno’s blush?”

And my friend said “Shyah, keep dreamin’.  Ain’t no way that would happen”

Well.  Now who’s the asshole, eh?


One Response to “When Lotion And A Stack of Tissues Just Isn’t Enough”

  1. zulubuff said

    I never thought to use a 12v. I always tried the 4volt and it never worked.

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