The Jim of the United States

The World Series: What You Get With A $787 Million Payroll

Posted by TheJOTUS on November 5, 2009

I hate the yankees. With a passion. From the city, the organization, the team and the fan. All of it.

To paraprhrase SNL’s Seth Meyers: “You suck in three very specific ways. So Hard, So Bad, and Wicked Bad.”

Especially yankee fan who lives here in the Midwest. It is usually some white trash douchebag who drives a garbage truck. Oh sure, he will tell you he has always been a yankee fan his whole life. But in reality, he has just been a douchebag his whole life.

So with a payroll just shy of $900 million, the yankees bought themselves a nice shiny trophy. They are like the pervert loser in accounting who can’t get laid on his own, so he has to go pay some dirty hooker to get his knob polished. And the yankees paid for one hell of an escort service.

Plus, why is it only 109 feet to left field at yankee stadium? And after 100+ years of existence, and alllllll of their championship teams, and allllll of their hall of famers, how in the hell do they not have a player with 3000 hits? How is that possible?

$1.2 trillion and a championship trophy.

Nancy “stretch” Pelosi just emailed me: After weeks of trying to figure out how to pay for government run healthcare, we have finally found a solution. The New York Yankees.

I could take the high road and tip my hat to them. But congratulating them is like congratulating the IRS. They’re still going to win and everybody still hates you.

So I guess congrats Team Satan. You are an evil incubus imposing its demonic will on us pure, decent, non-paying-for-hookers, Americans.



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