The Jim of the United States

Archive for the ‘Articles’ Category

Miracle On Hardwood

Posted by TheJOTUS on April 9, 2008

I think this picture sums up Kansas’ win on Monday night quite nicely.  A miracle.  Coming from someone who hates KU so deeply and whose stomach is so upset right now……actually there is no description of how I feel at the moment.  It is almost inhuman.  Maybe this will help paint a picture:  If KU was to play the devil and his merry band of minions, I would be cheering gleefully for the Prince of Darkness.  Or:  If KU was playing the Russians I would be screaming “I must break you” in my best Russian accent.  (Incidentally, KU is both Lucifer and the Russians combined.)  However; neither analogy can best describe my hatred for KU nor how I feel at this moment some two days after it happened.


I guess the best way to describe it–for lack of a better way–is:  Screw KU.  Screw them, the school, their criminal AD, their retarded fan base and most of all Bill Self and that dead animal on his oval grape.  Seriously Bill, with that certain raise you will be getting, I suggest the hair club for men or a nice set of shears. 


Yes, Kansas hit the miracle shot to put them into overtime where they eventually won.  An obvious argument would be to say Memphis could have stepped up in OT and won the game themselves (see St. Louis fan/players/manager/front office/city/etc and the 1985 World Series).  But the game really came down in regulation where Memphis couldn’t hit free throws that would have so iced this game, Coach Cal wouldn’t use his timeouts and because they didn’t foul prior to the miracle shot.


The Tigers should not have reached that point in the first place.  They could have put themselves in a position before that fateful final minute where it wouldn’t have mattered how many free throws they missed.  Memphis seemed to settle into a lazy offense content to work the ball around the perimeter before settling on junk NBA-style isolation plays.  When KU went into a garbage Box-and-One defense, the Tigers looked confused, never once attempting a pass into the soft middle.  Of course Coach Cal could have called a timeout but was hoping to trade them in at the gift shop for some fancy second place trophy.  Good thing there was one left.


As much of a mistake for Coach Cal to sit on his timeouts, it was absolutely unforgivable to sit on them in the last minute of a championship game where his team was clearly dazed and confused.  Especially to calm down Rose and Douglas-Roberts after their choke job at the free throw line.  However, why in the name of all that is holy, did he not call a timeout to tell his team to foul KU in the final seven seconds when his team was up three??  This to me is mind boggling.  In fact, my bruised knuckles need an answer to this question—nay—demand an answer.


How many more times can a team can give up a game-tying 3-pointer with less than seven seconds to play before it becomes a mandatory strategy for everyone to foul?  It’s completely inane. One theory is every NBA and college coach knows it’s completely inane, but they’re under orders from David Stern and the NCAA higher-ups not to foul in those situations so there will be more exciting finishes.  But with the amount of money, prestige, recognition, fame, oh….and the pure fact of wanting to win, this theory is some what hogwash.  Gobbletygook if you will.


Another theory is Memphis was the only team that shouldn’t have fouled in that situation because it would have stopped the game, and the Tigers would have had to hit free throws on the other end.  This doesn’t hold water for me either.  Let’s say they foul Mario the Miracle Maker with six seconds left before he launches the 3, and he makes both. The Tigers inbound the ball and Kansas fouls them with something like 4.9 (or 5 seconds, but you get where I am going) seconds left on the clock.  Even if they only make one of two, Kansas still has to go the length of the floor and get off a good shot in less than five seconds.  Would you rather roll the dice with that scenario — as well as the possibility that either Chalmers missed one of his free throws or Memphis made both — or would you rather not foul and allow a game-tying 3-pointer?  If you said foul before they shoot the 3, go to the head of the class.


Despite Self’s worn out rug, I still can’t hate him.  He is a great coach—not good—great.  And the best part is he proved thousands and thousands of hypocritical KU fans who wanted him fired just two short seasons ago, wrong.  Some even wanted him gone last season.  Of course KU fan will tell you “not me, I always had faith in him and thought he could win.”  But they are lying.  They are so lying.  And with the threat of T. Boone Pickens looming, we will see if Coach Self remembers two seasons ago as well.


It’s going to be interesting to see if the Memphis-Kansas game is eventually remembered as a traumatic loss or a fantastic comeback victory.  My guess is that, as time passes, we’ll end up remembering the Kansas comeback and Mario’s miracle 3-pointer.  And with that, all those years of failures by Walters, Chenowiths, Pierces, LaFrentzes, Vaughns, Collisons, Hinriches, Coach Roy, losses to Bucknell, Bradley, Rhode Island were wiped away.  At least for another 20 years.


Posted in Articles, In and Outside the Sport, Nuggets of Potpourri | 1 Comment »

Gun Heat

Posted by TheJOTUS on February 25, 2008

guns.jpgEvery time there’s a shooting—specifically a school shooting–there are demands for greater gun control measures that range from longer waiting periods to mandated gun locks to stricter licensing to restricted sales.  With all the political hacking and hysteria that follows, an ignorant public buys into the possibility that reduced availability of guns will reduce gun violence.    

Just last week Ellen Murphy wrote in to the KC Star’s Letters page proclaiming that this country is “gun crazy” and questioning “How about keeping guns under some kind of control?  How about background checks?”  Blah, blah blah, blah.  She ends by saying “Get rid of the guns and maybe we’ll have a chance to deal with these people’s problems in a more traditional way.”  Ummmmm, Ellen?  You’re ignorant.  It comes from up-bringing, your parents are probably ignorant too.  In fact, if that gene pool was not capped off after you, your kids are going to be in real trouble.  Sadly, it took a stranger to read your ridiculous letter to bring this to your attention.  But maybe I am being too hard on Ellen.  How about we educate her a little, shall we?  Or at the very least put it in perspective for her. 

There are roughly 20,000 gun laws nationally on the books.  And every time some nut job shoots another person, they break at least one of these laws.  They even break God’s el numero uno rule “Thou shall not kill.”  Even if you don’t believe in God, it’s still one of those faux pas one should know about.  

Across the nation, motor-vehicle accidents, drowning, suffocation, and fires combined each kill more children under the age of fifteen than do firearms.  Less than one handgun in 6,500 is ever used in a homicide.   But I don’t see Ellen demanding cars being banned or demanding Mother Nature to restrict water, air and fire. 

In 1993, The Brady Bill was enacted (another law) after James Brady, former White House Press secretary under the great Ronald Reagan.  The Brady law requires instant background checks for prospective gun buyers (I believe this was a demand of Ellen’s).  Basically when a firearms dealer sells a handgun, shotgun, or long rifle to a prospective buyer, a background check must be performed on that person in order to find whether or not that person is prohibited from owning a firearm due to past criminal actions and/or mental illness.   

The fact of the matter is that gun accessibility in our country has never been as restricted as it is now.  Up until the 1960’s many high schools had shooting clubs.  That’s right.  Kids actually carried their rifles to school in the morning, then turned them over to their home-room teacher or the gym coach.  Students regularly competed in shooting contests for college scholarships.  For most of our history (America, United States for those Rio Linda residents), a person could walk into a hardware store, virtually anywhere in the United States and buy a rifle.  Few states even had age restrictions for buying handguns and private transfers of any gun to juveniles were unrestricted.  How often have we heard of a father giving a new rifle on his sons 16th birthday? 

With history showing greater youth accessibility to guns, why wasn’t there this kind of violence we see today?  We will not make progress into gun-violence until we acknowledge the causes of youth behavior today, compared to yesterday.   We must come to the realization that laws and regulations alone do not produce a civilized society.   It’s education and morality that is society’s first line of defense against uncivilized behavior.  Moral standards have been under siege in our country for nearly half a century.  But an ignorant Ellen and public seem to like living in the dark.

Posted in Articles, Nuggets of Potpourri | 1 Comment »

State of the Union

Posted by TheJOTUS on January 30, 2008

bush.jpgAfter watching the State of the Union (SOTU), Bush still is in denial when it comes to democrats.  He is like George Segal in the movie “Not My Kid” in where he doesn’t believe his kid is a raging drug addict.  Bush is like the father of a son (democrats) who still believes he has potential and will turn himself around.  But in reality, the son is just a hopeless lost soul.  And probably retarded. 

For example, Bush has earmarked more money toward education and AIDS than any other President in history.  But yet on these two issues alone the democrats conveniently forget Bush’s generosity.  He continually reaches to offer help to his son and the boy keeps slapping away his hand.  Talk about biting the hand that feeds you. 

So this leads me to the democrat’s response to the SOTU given by Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius.  You would think they would get someone whose name doesn’t sound like something you need medication for.  “Hey dude, wanna go out for some beers and watch the game?”  “No man, I can’t.  I got Kathleen Sebelius and I am on this antibiotic and I am not supposed to come in contact with the public.”  “Dude, that sounds awful.” 

Sebelius was given a golden opportunity here and how did she handle the pressure?  Well, she handed out some valium. Rather than shocking the nation with sharp rhetoric and a smooth delivery, Kathy managed to put the entire country to sleep.  It really was an epic failure for a politician whose star is allegedly rising in the democratic party.  Sebelius attempts to take a more positive tone than in past Democratic responses, but still invokes partisan democrat talking points.  She says: 

”Our struggling economy requires urgent and immediate action, and then sustained attention. Families can’t pay their bills, they’re losing their jobs, and now are threatened with losing their homes.” 

For one, the credit crunch and mortgage crisis are problems that started long ago and are directly related to irresponsibility of the individual. Bush didn’t make people buy crap on credit cards, financed over 20 years at 19% interest. Bush didn’t make people sign up for adjustable rate mortgages or interest only loans and didn’t make lenders sell sub prime loans.  With that said, I found this a tad hypocritical in light of Kathy’s current record in Kansas.  Her state has fallen to 49th of 50 in overall economic efficiency during her tenure, reflecting employment, income and Gross State Product.  If Kathy wrote this speech, she is delusional.  If it was written for her, well, they’re incompetent.  She goes on to say: 

“We heard last week and again tonight that Congress and the president are acting quickly on a temporary, targeted stimulus package. That’s encouraging, but you and I know that a temporary fix is only the first step toward meeting our challenges and solving our problems.” 

Nowhere in her 20 minute, mind numbing, coma inducing speech, does she give suggestion on how she or her democratic cohorts can fix the long term problem.  She challenged the president to get to work to do something good for the people before he leaves office.  But Bush did.  He told you specifically what to do Kathy.  He told you to extend his tax cuts from 2001 that are due to expire in 2010.  That is an American response. 

Overall Sebelius lacked substance, which was predictable.  But she is going to work hard……….and work to find solutions………and maybe come in on Saturday………..make some schedules and lists on the work that needs to be done…….ahem.  She ended her speech “Thank you for listening. God bless and sleep well. And in the morning, let’s get to work.”   I will be at work Kathy as will most Americans, will you?

Posted in Articles, Politically Speaking | 1 Comment »

Taxes and Government

Posted by TheJOTUS on January 25, 2008

declaration_independence.jpgWe need government and its coercive powers to protect our natural rights to life, liberty and property.  Protecting these rights is the legitimate and moral role of government in a free society.  So in that respect, we need government, which means we need taxes.  But as Thomas Jefferson once said “The natural progress of things is for government to gain ground and for liberty to yield.”   

Jefferson was absolutely right.  Today the average worker pays close to 40% of his yearly earnings to the criminals at the federal, state and local levels.  Even more, there is little a person can do that is not regulated by some government command, be it flushing our toilets, building a house, driving a car or even getting married.  Sure we can blame our pompous politicians for an increasingly oppressive government.  But the real blame is with the American people. 

But what is our government’s job?  Our government’s job is laid out in (I looked it up.  You can too!!) Article 1, Section 8, of the U.S. Constitution.  It gives Congress authority to lay and collect taxes to provide for roughly, among other things, roads, defense, printing money and the establishment of courts.  If members of Congress honored their oath and did only what the Constitution allowed, federal spending would be closer to the 4 percent mark instead of the 40 percent level it is at now.   

I am positive there is some liberal who will respond by saying something about the “general welfare” clause of the Constitution (then again, a liberal would have to read the Constitution first).  It basically authorizes Congress to tax and spend for Medicare, food stamps, crop subsidies and other gimmie handouts.  This is pure crap.  If the framers had that vision, they wouldn’t have put the effort they did in writing it.  They would have just said: Congress has the power to collect taxes to provide for all those things Americans would like to have but are unable or unwilling to pay for.  They didn’t because they had better vision and foresight.  They looked to limit the threat to your liberty by limiting what Congress could do.  Perhaps Congress needs a history lesson.

Posted in Articles | 3 Comments »

Big Oil

Posted by TheJOTUS on January 16, 2008

ks80429.jpgI find myself defending the oil companies, or Big Oil as some claim, quite often.  It was especially bad after the whipping hurricane Katrina put on New Orleans and the Gulf Coast region.  And now, as tensions rise again in the Middle East and the price of oil is slowly creeping to triple digit prices, I once again find myself defending the oil companies.  

It seems most people understand how Middle East political uncertainty and hurricanes can affect gasoline prices.  However, it is always followed by this question “Isn’t it price-gouging for the oil companies to raise the price of all the gasoline already bought and stored before the crises?”  While I am no economist, this statement is a clear example of the misunderstanding of how prices are determined.  So gather round in a circle, and I’ll see if I can hammer this out for you.  I’ll try to use an example even people in Rio Linda can understand. 

Suppose you owned a small 100 gallon inventory of beer you purchased for $3.00 a gallon.  Each week, after putting in many long hours of work, you sell me a gallon for $4.00.  All of a sudden a drought in Germany destroyed half of its barley crop, causing the world price of beer to immediately rise to $6.00 per gallon.  Now, you still have beer you purchased before the jump in prices.  When I stop by to buy another gallon of beer, how much will you charge me?  I’m guessing you will charge me at least $6.00 per gallon.  Why you ask?  Because that is today’s cost to replace your inventory of beer. 

Historical costs do not determine prices; what economists call “opportunity” cost do (got my trusty college Econ book out for that).  Now, of course, you would have every opportunity to not be an evil “price gouger” and continue to charge me $4.00 a gallon.  I would then buy your entire inventory and turn around and sell it for today’s price of $6.00 per gallon and make a handsome profit.   

If there is any reason in today’s rising gas prices it is the cowardice and stupidity of the US Congress.  Opening a tiny portion of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR) to oil and gas production would increase our domestic oil reserves by 50%.  This doesn’t even take in account the Pacific, Atlantic and the Gulf of Mexico offshore areas, which are rich in oil and natural gas. 

A while back a good friend of mine, zulubuff, brought up some interesting points.  Now is the time that a true leader, a true conservative, with the threat of rising oil and gas prices, to say enough is enough and take control of this energy crisis.  If I were President, I would hold a press conference and outline my 5 point plan:

  1. For immediate relief of rising gas prices, a suspension—and eventual elimination—of the Federal Gas tax.  I would expect, nay, demand, the States and Counties to follow suit
  2. Drop EPA standards that are causing regionalization of gasoline formulation, which are the true cause of tight supplies
  3. Open up former military bases for the construction of refineries
  4. Relax Federal standards and push for the construction of refineries
  5. Open up our country to more domestic drilling

Now to Bush’s credit, he did relax some EPA standards back in 2005 after Katrina and in late 2005 he signed an Energy Bill, which helped push for more Nuclear plants.  But because of costly regulations and political restrictions, US nuclear energy production is a fraction of what it could be.  Nuclear power creates 75% of France’s electricity, nearly 50% of Sweden’s but only 20% of ours.  To be the worlds leading Super Power, that doesn’t sound very super……or powerful……..or even a leader.  Bottom line is nuclear energy is VERY safe.   

Overall these are good points that could get passed with strong leadership.  Unfortunately, Bush will never do it.  For one, he has run out of time.  In addition, the liberals and RINO’s (Republican in name only) will continue what they are doing—impeding progress.               

Posted in Articles, Energy | 2 Comments »

Property Rights

Posted by TheJOTUS on January 15, 2008

Let me start by saying my personal value is that I cherish private property rights.  For those in Rio Linda, private property rights refer to an owner’s right to acquire, keep, use and dispose of property in ways that do not violate property rights of others.  If that is a shared value, which it is obviously not, there would be little debate on an entire body of public policy issues.  Shall we look into this further?  Ok, let’s. 

I am the property of myself.  This means I am the property of TheJOTUS.  Among a host of other kick ass things, this means I have the right to take chances with my own life but not that of others.  Making me wear a seat belt violates my rights; however for example, drunk driving laws do not.  Choosing not to wear my seat belt may raise my risk of death, but this is my right as an individual.  Whereas, drunk driving can raise the risk of injuring others, which is clearly not my right.   

I have several friends who say “If you don’t wear a seat belt, get in an accident and wind up a vegetable, then you become a burden to me.”  They are implying that they will have to take care of me via the taxes they pay.  This is not a problem of private property rights; it is a problem of socialism (weakened private property rights).  People’s money belongs to them.  They should not be forced to take care of me. 

I remember back in the 1990’s when Dr. Kevorkian brought his “right to die” case all the way to the Supreme Court.  I bring this up because I believe this is the perfect stage where private property rights can really shine.  Let us imagine for a moment it is the United States vs. TheJOTUS.  First, the Court would have to determine just who owns TheJOTUS.  I think we can safely say once he turned eighteen, at that point he owned himself.   

With this finding of self-ownership, this would make the high court’s finding easy.  Their 9-0 decision would read something like this (keep in mind my lack of legal writing experience):  Though the thought of TheJOTUS ending his precious life is distasteful and while the loss of his creative and witty blogs will be a huge loss to the world, never the less, we find he owns himself and has the right to dispose of his life in any manner consistent with the safety of others. 

This would be entirely different if I didn’t own myself.  For the sake of argument, let’s say the government owns him.  With that, I wouldn’t have the right to take chances with my life.  The government would have every right to make me wear a seat belt.  Even more, they would have the right to force me to exercise, restrict my diet and monitor my alcohol intake.  In the United States vs. TheJOTUS, the court would justly rule I had no right to dispose of TheJOTUS.  I mean, that would be destroying government property, right?  

I disagree with how some people unwisely use their property.  Engine parts in the yard, ugly tattoos, bad wardrobe—basically, think Wal-Mart clientele.  But the true test of one’s commitment to liberty and private property rights doesn’t come when we permit people to be free to do those voluntary things with which we agree.  The true test comes when we permit people to be free to do those voluntary things with which we disagree.

Posted in Articles | 1 Comment »

Was KU’s Season Really that Impressive?

Posted by TheJOTUS on January 13, 2008

eatit.jpgKU fan has been thumping their chest quite a bit this year.  Almost to the point of bruising.  Some KU fans predicted a good season this year, even going as far as 10-2.  Most notably was Jack Harry of Channel 41. Although we only have his word.  There is ZERO evidence in print or otherwise to prove he made this prediction.  At any rate, I found this laughable.  Why would anyone think KU would be any good this year?  They were 6-6 last season with no bowl bid, and the season before they were 7-6.  Can we say “went backwards?”  So, where was the growth to predict a 10-2 season on 2007?  There wasn’t.  KU fan is just ignorant.  Let’s look at it further, shall we? 

image0011.jpgComing into this year, KU didn’t even know who their starting quarterback would be.  By the way, for those in Rio Linda, the quarterback position is a huge factor when predicting a team’s success for the upcoming season.  On top of this their coach, Mark Margerine-gino, was going to be fired.  Yes fired.  Plus, he single handedly put KU back on NCAA violations for cheating.  All the more reason to predict a 10-2 season! 

The real reason KU had success this year is simple:  Their schedule.  And it was a joke.  Almost cowardly, really.  But this isn’t new to Baby Huey.  Since 2002 (His first season), he has scheduled 2—yes 2—BCS schools in his non-conference schedule.  That is down right embarrassing.  What is funny about this is even with his weak scheduling he still could never finish above fourth—in the North.  He waited until his weakest season to pad his stats.  Nice job fatty. 

However, even with his 12 win season, what did Tons of Fun really accomplish?  A 12 win season, ok.  Four of those wins were against ridiculous opponents, plus they didn’t play Texas OR Oklahoma.  In the biggest game in their schools history, national television, number one on the line, Big 12 title game, they got absolutely whose your daddy’d by Missouri.  A beat down so bad, the NCAA is debating on whether Gary Pinkel should have to wear a “wife beater” all next season.  And KU fan, don’t bother telling me that “if we had another two minutes” crap.  You didn’t.  Bottom line is Missouri slept walked through the 4th quarter and still beat you. 

So with that, they failed to win their own division.  No Conference Title game.  Got creamed by their cross state rival.  Again I ask, where is the accomplishment?  A birth in the Orange bowl?  Ok.  We all know, locally AND nationally, that the Orange bowl committee is retarded.  To pick KU over MU—a team who throttled KU, won its division AND played for its Conference Title—you would have to be retarded.  It is the only logical explanation.  Regardless, even with their first Orange bowl in almost 40 years, KU fans embarrassed themselves by not even showing up for the game.  Hell, a 3 loss K-State team brought 50,000 to the Fiesta bowl.     

In the days after the bowl games were over, KU fan is touting how they would much rather have their season over Missouri’s.  This is absurd.  KU played two teams that finished in the final polls.  They took a beat down from one and squeaked by the other.  KU accomplished nothing.

Posted in Articles, In and Outside the Sport, Nuggets of Potpourri | 7 Comments »

The Cigarette Gestapo

Posted by TheJOTUS on January 9, 2008

250px-zwei_zigaretten.jpgCigarette smoke is a nuisance to some people.  And there are people who allege health effects from secondhand smoke.  However, this retardedly huge study, which was conducted over 38 years suggests otherwise.  Basically it found no “causal relationship between exposure to [passive smoke] and tobacco-related mortality,” adding, however “a small effect” can’t be ruled out.  So basically, breathing your spouse’s bad breath for the same amount of time would probably have the same effect.   

But this isn’t the point I was going to make regarding today’s smoking regulations and the people who drive the cause–The Cigarette Gestapo or TCG.  It is a basic matter of respect for civil liberties and private property rights.   

My wife tells me all the time how she loves the recent bans on smoking in bar and restaurants around the KC Metro.  Lee’s Summit has had one for quite sometime.  Independence passed one as well and most recently, Kansas City, MO.  While I must admit, it is very nice walking into a bar and actually seeing the other side of it.  It is also nice walking out of one and not being reminded you were JUST in one.  But neither of these examples justifies the forced ban these cities are imposing. 

Even the most hate-filled antismoker probably wouldn’t demand laws outlawing smoking within one’s own home or SUV.  They might buy the argument that since homes and SUV’s are private property, an individual has the right to decide how these things will be used.  But that points to a real inconsistency of TCG who is supposedly concerned for health.  Cigarette smoke in a house produces secondhand smoke just as it does in an office, grocery store, airplane, in a boat, or on a float!  Therefore, if the health is truly the concern of TCG, then they ought to demand laws banning smoking even in private homes or private property. 

Now you might say “If I don’t like secondhand smoke then I don’t have to visit your house.”  And you would be dead balls on.  But TCG and their following of sheep better not make the same argument.  Otherwise the health argument becomes hypocritical and their agenda to outlaw tobacco becomes exposed. 

Just like a home, bars and restaurants are also private property.  The owner has a right, in our free society, to decide whether smoking is allowed.  They are only responsible to inform the customers such as a sign reading Smoking Allowed or Smoking Prohibited.  Then the people can decide accordingly. 

I know people are going to say “But I am a nonsmoker.  If there were no laws against smoking, I would have no choice.”  This is a ridiculous argument.  There are roughly 40 million smokers, leaving well over 200 million American nonsmokers.  To tell me that businesses—any business—have no interest in catering to these 200 plus million is ignorant to say the least.   

Business executives are spineless in many respects.  Bar and restaurant owners fear the power of TCG, but they also fear losing smoking customers to their competition if they individually banned smoking in their own establishments.  There really can’t be a “Gentlemen’s agreement” to ban smoking within their industry.  These never last, trust me.  So they go and seek or cow-tow to local government regulations. 

Liberty minded people should find all of this scary.  Because smoking is viewed as a disgusting habit, it is ok to ban.  The future is always an easy thing to say something won’t happen because is hasn’t happened yet.  I should remind you it was decent, well-meaning Germans who helped create an all powerful government but instead were building the “Trojan Horse” for Hitler.  At the time, that wasn’t the future.  But it DID happen.

Posted in Articles, Cigarette Gestapo | 6 Comments »

The Ant and The Grasshopper

Posted by TheJOTUS on January 7, 2008



The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the upcoming winter. The grasshopper thinks he is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.  The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.                   


The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the upcoming winter. The grasshopper thinks he is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. 

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN and FOX show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to video of the ant in his comfortable, warm home with a table filled with food.  America is stunned by the sharp contrast.  How can it be that in a country of such wealth, this poor little grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? 

Then a representative of the NAAGB (National Association of Green Bugs) shows up on 60 Minutes and charges the ant with “green bias”, and makes the case the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism. 

Kermit the Frog appears on Hardball with Chris Mathews with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing “It’s Not Easy Being Green.” 

Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on CNN with Larry King announcing they will do everything they can for the grasshopper.  B. Hussein Obama appears on Oprah and proclaims the grasshopper has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers, or as liberals refer to it: “The Temperature of the 80’s.” 

Nancy Pelosi exclaims in an interview on Meet the Press with Tim Russert, that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper.  She claims the ant has been a winner of life’s lottery and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay for his share–retroactive to the beginning of the summer. 

Finally the EEOC drafts the “Economic Equity and Ant-Greenism Act.”  The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs.  Having nothing left to pay because of his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. 

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant.  The case is tried before a panel of federal judges Bill appointed during his term from a list of single parent welfare moms who can only hear cases on Thursday’s, between 1:30 and 3pm, when there are no talk shows scheduled.  The ant loses the case. 

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food.  The government house he is in—which happens to be the ant’s old house—crumbles around him because he doesn’t know how to maintain it. 

The ant disappears into the snow.  On the TV–which the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ants food—they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats announcing that a new era of “fairness” has dawned in America.

Posted in Articles, Nuggets of Potpourri | 1 Comment »