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Top 10 List Of Conservative Movies

Posted by TheJOTUS on February 6, 2010

Way late, but better late than never so they say.  And this is in just the last decade.

Not real sure where The Dark Night fits in…but there is one line I do love:  “I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and I turned it on itself. Look what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hmmm? You know… You know what I’ve noticed? Nobody panics when things go “according to plan.” Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it’s all “part of the plan.” But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds!”

I’m not sure it makes sense, but I like it.

At any rate, here you go:

1. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (Peter Weir, 2003)

Peter Weir’s unashamedly old-fashioned and visually stunning adaptation of Patrick O’Brian’s novel is one of the greatest odes to leadership ever committed to celluloid. Australian director Weir has made many terrific films, including Gallipoli, Dead Poets Society, The Year of Living Dangerously, and Witness, but Master and Commander was the pinnacle of his career so far. Nominated for 10 Oscars, including Best Picture, it should be essential viewing for any commander-in-chief. Russell Crowe delivers a powerhouse performance as Jack Aubrey, Captain of HMS Surprise, a British warship that hunts and ultimately captures a far larger French adversary during the Napoleonic Wars. Set in 1805, it is an epic tale of heroism and love for country in the face of incredible odds, and a glowing tribute to the grit and determination that forged the British Empire.

2. Black Hawk Down (Ridley Scott, 2001)

Sir Ridley Scott’s searing depiction of the ill-fated US raid on Mogadishu in 1993, which left 19 American servicemen dead, was released just months after the 9/11 terrorist attacks on the United States and the launch of the War on Terror. Based on the book by Mark Bowden, it won Academy Awards for Best Film Editing and Sound, and Scott was nominated for Best Director. Many critics enthusiastically dubbed Black Hawk Down an anti-war film, and it is in some respects a cautionary tale about the perils of nation-building. But I regard it above all as an extraordinarily powerful and deeply patriotic tribute to the heroism and bravery of the US military, faced with overwhelming odds in a hostile city dominated by brutal Somali warlords. It is essentially a story of incredible sacrifice and camaraderie in the heat of battle, and ranks alongside Zulu, Saving Private Ryan and A Bridge Too Far as one of the greatest war films of all time.

More at the link.  And it isn’t necessarily in order.

One movie that fails to make the list is The Incredibles, which is one of the most conservative films out there.  At least in the past 5 years.  I loved that whole storyline about the superheros getting sued by an ungrateful American public.  

Amazingly conservative.  Go out and achieve.  Also, Syndrome’s unforgettable line:

Syndrome (to Mr. Incredible): “I’ll give them the most spectacular heroics anyone’s ever seen. And when I’m old and I’ve had my fun, I’ll sell my inventions so that everyone can be superheroes. Everyone can be super. And when everyone’s super, no one will be.” [evil laughter]

Sound familiar?

A couple of other mentions here are:

17 Again.  Yeah a teen flick, but believe it or not it is pretty good.  Zac Efron actually does a really good job.  A movie in which a Zac Efron keeps telling promiscuous girls they need to respect themselves (or he’ll call their fathers) isn’t really a teen-squeal sort of deal.  It’s a weirdly, strongly conservative movie.  The really conservative scene is when he’s in class with his daughter, being taught about safe sex, to combat the go-have-sex-everyone’s-doing-it message the teacher is pushing, he basically gives a three minute speech about the virtues of abstinence and that the real point of having sex is to have a baby, a tiny thing “you never imagined you could love so much.”

This conservative personally found his jaw dropping a little bit.  Admittedly as a 17 year old punk this thought never once crossed my mind.  But as a soon to be 40 year old with a child, it seems to ring home.

Another movie is Blast from the Past.  Yeah, I know it wasn’t in the last decade.  Sue me.

Classic line:

Troy: I know, I mean I thought a “gentleman” was somebody that owned horses. But it turns out, his short and simple definition of a lady or a gentleman is, someone who always tries to make sure the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible.
Eve: Where do you think he got all that information?
Troy: From the oddest place – his parents. I mean, I don’t think I got that memo from mine.

Imagine that.


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Great News, Another Hollywood Remake

Posted by TheJOTUS on January 10, 2010

To paraphrase Hannibal: I love it when a remake comes together.  Err, not really.  Well maybe.  Actually, I am torn.  A remake of the A-Team?  We have James Cameron’s remake of Dances with Wolves using the cast of the Smurfs, and now this?  Jeez.

What’s next?  I mean why stop there?  Why not Riptide, Simon and Simon, The Greatest American Hero; and then top it off with Airwolf?  And instead of trying to capitalize on the cheesiest elements that was the show, it looks like this is a straight up remake like Mission Impossible or something.  Did they watch the show?

The cast is made up of Liam Neeson as John “Hannibal” Smith, Bradley Cooper as Faceman, Rampage Jackson as B. A. Baracus and the dude from District 9 as Murdock.


I think Peter Griffin’s A-Team was much better.

Heh, shooting down a fighter jet with a machine gun mounted to a tank while parachuting from an exploding cargo plane…how bad could it be?

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Family Guy To Get A Couple Of Guests From The Right Side Of The Isle

Posted by TheJOTUS on August 15, 2009

One of my favorite all time shows is getting a tad more diverse, at least for a couple of episodes.  Family Guy is going to have Rush Limbaugh and Karl Rove appear as themselves next season on Fox:

In an episode being produced for next season, the Griffins’ liberal dog, Brian, gets bored and frustrated because he feels he no longer has anything to complain about with Barack Obama in the White House. So Brian becomes a Republican and starts listening to Rush Limbaugh (who, apparently, also sings a song).

That actually sounds funny.  But, no matter what Seth MacFarlane says, I doubt the writers will ever show Republicans in a fair light.

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Could G.I. Joe Be The Worst Movie Evaahhh???

Posted by TheJOTUS on August 9, 2009

I am betting yes, and I have only seen the trailer.  In fact, I can pretty much guarantee this movie will never be seen by my incredibly sexy, deep brown, bedroom eyes.  Ahem.

So bad does this movie look, the cast and crew of Fantastic 4 just emailed expressing their joy knowing they are no longer the anchor of eternal movie suckiness.  They’re tied now. 

As painful as it was for me to watch a two minute plus trailer, this dude had to sit through the entire trainwreck.  Oh, and apparently he concurs with my Fantastic 4 assesment:

12:20 a.m.: OK, at last the movie is about to start. Oh. It’s presented by Hasbro.

12:21 a.m.: Second Hasbro mention in one minute. Are they selling G.I. Joe’s at the concession stand?

And then: France, 1641. Except France looks like the Disneyland Pirates of the Caribbean ride. There is a man who looks like Merlin about to kill a man who looks like Harvey Keitel. Chaos. Violence. Chaos. “We are going to make an example of you,” some guy says. Then they put a hot mask on the face of their prisoner. (End scene. And I should add this scene has no relevance at all to anything that follows.)

12:22 a.m.: In the not-too-distance future. NATO Weapons Command. Some dude with a red tie is giving a presentation about army tanks and cancer cells. I’m already confused.

12:23 a.m.: Dennis Quaid is in this movie! He is? He looks mad. Does he know it’s going to be bad?

12:23 a.m.: Channing Tatum, in solider gear. Cue the applause. Oops, the theater is silent. He says: “NATO wants the best of the best—that’s why we’re here.” In this movie!? Oh, funny.

My buddy zulubuff had similar thoughts on this a couple of months ago, albeit with a rather interesting twist.  At any rate, if you don’t want our take on this shitty movie, you can watch it here.  But don’t tell me you weren’t warned.

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Best Movie Lines Evahhh??

Posted by TheJOTUS on June 2, 2009

Ehh, maybe.  Definitely debatable. 

However the greatest movie line ever, without question, is from Back to the Future:

[Lorraine’s parents are talking about Marty McFly, Lorraine’s future son]

Stella Baines: He’s a very strange young man.

Sam Baines: He’s an idiot. Comes from upbringing. His parents are probably idiots too. Lorraine, if you ever have a kid that acts that way I’ll disown you.

Why?  Cause it is so freaking versatile, that’s why.  Go ahead, test it out…

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Forgetting Sarah Marshall Is Actually Quite Memorable

Posted by TheJOTUS on May 4, 2009

Saturday night’s HBO movie was Forgetting Sarah Marshall, so I was finally able to sit down and watch it.  For some reason I had some reservations about this flick and couldn’t bring myself to rent it.  I wish I would have, because it was a pretty damn good movie.

The movie starts off with Peter Bretter, a musician who composes the music for a CSI type crime show, on which the love of his life, Sarah Marshall (the extremely hot Kristen Bell), is the star.  But Sarah has found another and breaks up with Peter in a scene best only described as involving some major male frontal nudity.  I can only imagine the number of takes it took to get through that.

After weeks of one night stands, Peter decides a trip to Hawaii might help him get over his former love.  And by chance, chooses the same resort where Sarah and her new boyfriend, rock star Aldous Snow (played by Russell Brand), are staying.  This is the second movie where I found Brand funny and he does a great job throughout the movie.  The scene where he sings the song “Inside of you” and what he does with the christian couple are laugh out loud funny.

After Peter runs into them in the lobby, Rachel (Mila Kunis), the desk clerk, takes pity on him with a comped $6,000 a night suite where he spends his first day crying on the floor like a woman. 

Most will know Rachel as the bitchy, demanding girlfriend Jackie from “That 70’s Show” and as the voice of Meg Griffin from “Family Guy.”  And while she has grown into something quite tasty, I still can’t get either character out of my mind when watching her.  And she definitely can’t hold a candle to Sarah.

Up to this point, the movie was kind of filled with pointless adolecent crudity, which I like.  I am a simpleton like that.  But once he meets Rachel, the movie becomes a little more lighthearted.  A lot goes on between the two and you can’t help but to finally root for Peter. 

I also liked how they portrayed the exgirlfriend in Sarah.  Although it is probably more of a testament to the yummy, yummy Kristen Bell.  There seemed to be this underlying perception that Sarah was just this egomaniac, narcissistic, I think I am better than you, bitch.  And while she didn’t handle the end of the relationship very well, we come to find out in a funny we-see-Peter-from-Sarah’s point of view scene, she did the best she could in an otherwise failing relationship.

As I watched this movie, I found myself relating to it very much as I too have had my heart broken.  My still beating heart was ripped out of my chest, shown to me, dropped to the floor, and then repeatedly stepped on with golf shoes.  I’m talking the old school ones with metal spikes.  And no, I didn’t have weeks of one night stands or head out to Hawaii for an extended vacation.  But I did come to realize, like in life, you move on.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall is a good flick, with some great lines and some laugh out loud scenes.  Some familiar regulars show up as well with Jonah Hill from Superbad and Paul Rudd from Role Models, both are quite funny.  I definitely recommend this one.

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The Most Anticipated Movie Evvaaahhhhh

Posted by TheJOTUS on February 15, 2009

Ok, maybe not ever.  But definitley of 2009.  Besides, I love Tarantino and this movie looks bad ass. 

I mean killing nazis?  Seriously, who doesn’t like to see nazis get killed?  Show me somebody who doesn’t like to see nazis getting killed and I’ll show you……well…… a nazi.

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RIP: Ricardo Montalban

Posted by TheJOTUS on January 15, 2009

Sigh……no more rich corinthian leather.  Ricardo Montalban passed away at age 88.

I remember as a kid staying with my grandmother and watching episodes of Fantasy Island.  I bet I saw most of them.  I also remember watching a ton of Star Trek episodes as well, which Montalban was apart of.  And no, I was no Trekkie.  But she didn’t have cable then and there were only so many channels available without it.  So……my options were limited.  I saw a lot of Benny Hill too, which could explain a few things about me……

I think, at least for me, the most memorable thing from him was as Khan Noonien Singh in Star Trek II:  The Wrath of Khan.  It produced two of the best lines from a movie evahh:

Khan:  I’ve done far worse than kill you, Admiral. I’ve hurt you. And I wish to go on hurting you. I shall leave you as you left me, as you left her: marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet, buried alive. Buried alive………….

Kirk:  Khaaa-aaaaaaaaa-aannnnnnn


Rest in peace Mr. Montalban.  Rest in peace.

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Lack Of Excitement On The Price Is Right

Posted by TheJOTUS on December 23, 2008

A miracle on ‘The Price Is Right’ Street.  Holy cow, talk about your lucky day.  This guy hits his guess right on the nose to actually get on stage to play the game, and wins $500 for doing so.  He then makes it to the Showcase Showdown and hits the nuts again, winning both showcases.  Unbelieveable.

And Drew Carey doesn’t seem to care one bit.  Geesh, I’ve seen more excitement at funerals:

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The “Men Are Stupid” Post

Posted by TheJOTUS on December 15, 2008

There are a lot of commercials and even sitcoms out there that portray men in a not so favorable light.  Home Improvement was notorious for that.  Usually the sitcom premise is some guy screwing something up and it takes the woman, or women depending on the sitcom, to bail him out.  See King of Queens, Everybody Loves Raymond, etc., etc., etc.

The commmercial is typically a man pounding a round peg into a square hole with the women in the background rolling her eyes.  The tag line is usually:  Got a moron for a husband?  Then try (insert product here)!  Even the dumbest of the dumb can use it! 

Or, you have the commercial of some boob of a husband who gets his wife a power drill instead of going to Jared/Kay/Zales, yada, yada, yada.  Please.  These men do not exist.  And if they did, are there really that many to constitute a generalization of all men?  But whatever makes the women feel empowered, right?

With all that said, here is a commercial that although a tad insulting at its core, still pretty damn funny:

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